Don't Let Your Emotions Get the Better of You

I was reading an unsolicited horoscope that arrived in my e-mail and it was all about Emotional Intelligence. Here's what it said:

1. You may be in trouble if you didn't hold up your end of the bargain."

EQ SKILL: INTENTIONALITY. Intentionality means saying what you mean and meaning what you say. There are a million "emotional" and other reasons why we don't do this, such as not being in the mood, "forgetting," or having been inauthentic and committed to doing something we can't bring ourselves to do when the time comes.

2. "You can avoid any repercussions by just doing what you are supposed to do."

EQ SKILL: INTEGRATED SELF. Integrated self means knowing who you are, and that's how you know what you're supposed to do. It's pretty clear if your boss orders a report by noon what you're "supposed to do" but there are many other important choice-points in life where you need a touchstone. When the touchstone is our values, we make smart choices.

3. "Get along with loved ones, no matter what it takes to do so."

EQ SKILL: INTERPERSONAL SKILLS. There are times to note-but-ignore those messages from the limbic brain and brain stem, and just go with the flow. We remember to do this with the little kids in our lives, but always with the big kids in our lives. When our 3 year old is hyped on sugar and holiday, and throws a tantrum, we realize where it's coming from and can help them contain the emotions. When this comes from a colleague, we don't always remain so thoughtful.

4. "Exaggeration may ruin a close friendship, not to mention your reputation."

EQ SKILL: MANAGING EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION. Yes, she said something about your child that irked you, or he's really getting on your nerves right now. People are not always at their best when under stress. Be slower to speak and quicker to forget. Take a look at things another day!

5. "Be upfront but tactful or you may end up offending someone."

EQ SKILL: CONSTRUCTIVE DISCONTENT. How we handle disagreements is one of the higher tests of our Emotional Intelligence. Telling the truth must always be done with tact. Never say anything in stronger words or tone than is necessary. You be "the big guy," the one who's exercising Emotional Intelligence. Don't kill a fly with a jackhammer.

6. "Don't let your emotions get the better of you."

No matter what our age, stage or condition in life, we get emotional 'messages' from our brain stem and limbic brain that can "flood" us. We're preparing to give a speech and we're overcome by a flood of anxiety. We freeze and can't think. We're dealing with a difficult customer and a wave of rage hits us. We want to attack them and can't think. We're staring at the handsome CEO and are awash in inappropriate thoughts that turn our brains to mush and can't think.

Well that's a pretty good prediction for all of us, I think. It's for sure if we don't "let our emotions get the better of us," we're going to have a better day!

In my workshops, individuals often tell me they didn't realize how many times a day they're flooded with emotions such as fear and anger that keep them from thinking straight and making the best choices.

Don't let this happen to you. Emotional Intelligence means understanding your emotions and managing them, and being able to do the same regarding others, and it can be learned!